My father is always yelling at me for no reason, even when my brother is responsible he always yells at me and never yells at my brother when he does something wrong. He does not like me and I hate him, I don’t know what to do.

Answer in point form

  • God is the heavenly Father who has always loved you and always will
  • Your current situation will improve, be hopeful
  • Talk to your father about your feelings, know how you feel and why you feel that way
  • A big possibility is he loves you but shows his love differently what you understand
  • Talk to someone close to you (aunt, mum or uncle) about what’s going on at home
  • See a counsellor/ school counsellor
  • The above process facilitates you to forgive your Father, and forgiveness is a key part in healing.

The father who is always there for you

The first thing you need to know is that, in God you will always have a father who is always there for you, who loves you and who you can always look up to. Romans 8:31-39 reflects how strong God love for us is and how nothing can separate us from his love. Knowing this you should always have hope that your current situation is not going to last forever, your current situation will change simply because Jesus loves you and he has the power to turn situations around.  Put your hope in Jesus and he will change your whole world right side up and write all the wrongs in your life. No matter how long it take make sure you look to the future with hope and never dwell on current problems as that will cause you to be hopeless, defeated eventually leading to you hating life and falling into depression.

Talk to your father

Sometimes parents are hard on their children not to hurt them but as a way of instilling discipline. Sometimes parents get it wrong and make mistakes, hence, children end up suffering. The best way to find out why your father treats you this way is to let him know how you feel. Your father might not even know that you feel the way you do, in his head he might be thinking he is doing nothing wrong. The bottom line is if you do not tell him he will never know to change the way he treats you.

Expressing your feelings means you have to know how and be able to describe how you feel. For example if you feel hurt, what exactly about your dad is hurting you, how is it hurting you and how can it be fixed so you wont get hurt.

Different parenting styles

Granted if you come from a conservative culture or background where talking to your dad about his parenting style is considered a taboo, the last thing you want to do is talk to your dad about it as you will end up in more trouble with nothing resolved. Fathers in a lot of conservative cultures show their love through provision not necessarily through affection, positive feedback and compliments. This parenting style is adopted from how your father was raised, in fact he probably made improvements in terms of his interaction with you in comparison to how his parents treated him. It is highly probable that your  father shows his affection through providing  for the family, putting clothes on your back, paying for your bills, sending you to school, protecting you and taking you on holidays. Your father probably says I Love You through his actions not his words. This is not making an excuse for your father but merely trying to make you understand things from his perspective.

The other thing is that your father might be hard on you because he only wants the best for you, and is being tough not some much as an instrument of abuse but because he wants the best out of you.

Talk to a counsellor

A good way to get help for some resolve is talking to a counsellor. If you are at school, most schools these days provide  counsellors who you can consult and talk to for free. If your school does not have a counsellor you can access one online for free depending on where you live in the world. Counselling with help you understand what you are gong through and how to deal with it.

Talk to a close family member or family friend

Try talking to your mother as she might understand things a bit better and will be able to relay the message back to your father better that you can. If your mother is not in your life then  talk to a mother figure in your life, such as an aunt, older sister or grand mother. The person you choose to talk to has to be respected and valued by your father otherwise the intervention will not work as your father will not listen to or value what that person has to say.

Forgive

The above processes allows you to think outside the box and gain some understanding in relation to your relationship with your father. Understanding or gaining insight to other perspectives opens you up to the possibility of forgiving your father and dealing with the feelings you are battling with.

Whichever decision you choose to take, make sure you find someone to talk to about the issue and you don’t, keep it inside. There are different counselling websites were you can chat to a counsellor online via Google.


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