My dad is divorcing my mum and is leaving us for another woman and I don’t know what to do, Why did God allow this to happen to me and to my family?

Your parents still love you despite the divorce

In most cases when parents’ divorce each other they will still love their children. Offcourse, parents separating is always hard regardless of whether your parents still love you or not. Some young people never recover from the effects and trauma caused by their parents divorcing. Sadly some young people go through life in pain, sadness due to the trauma. This has negative effects on future relationships, especially if the issues go unchecked. Hopefully this answer will help to get you to a better mental wellbeing. It is important to point out right from the onset that God is not the cause/ source of the divorce nor does he want anything bad to happen to you and your family, but instead he is the light and the source of refuge in all the pain and hurt you and your family are going through (2 Corinthians 1:4).

It’s not God’s Fault

To answer your question in full is to understand the true nature of God first, then relate that understanding to your parent’s divorce. God is the true definition of love as defined in (2 Corinthians 13: 4-8). God’s love is defined as stronger than death (Solomon 8:6). His love for us is so strong that nothing can separate us from it (Roman 8:31). God would sacrifice his deepest possession for our happiness, in fact he did (John 3:16). Knowing that of God, he would never act to hurt or harm us or our families. Love always allows us to make our own choices, hence, we are defined as having free will, that is the ability to make choices and by so doing determine our own destinies. God will never force anyone to divorce and break their family apart that goes against God’s loving nature.

The choices that we make are our own responsibility, hence the divorce your parents is going through was not some sick and twisted game that God designed just so he could plunge your family into pain, put simply, it was a result of the choices that one or both your parents took. At this point you might be thinking why can’t God just stop the divorce then? As mentioned before God cannot impose himself on our decisions, doing so would make us no different to robots or slaves. This explanation is not to lay blame on your father for leaving. The good news is that when we choose not to listen to him and make bad choices that affect us and others badly he is still there to help us to heal. The only thing is that we have to choose to allow God to heal us and help us through the divorce. God then becomes the only beacon you can stand on in such a time of need, the only loving constant that is always there through his son Jesus Christ who died on the cross for us.

Your heavenly Father loves you more than your Earthly Father

Family is one of the strongest most influential factors in any young person’s life and when one parent decides to leave, this will have painful consequences on the whole family. In saying that divorce is also not an easy decision for parents, it is always a hard decision for grown-ups to make and a hard process to go through for the whole family. Because your father chose to leave your mother and brothers does not make him an evil heartless person. The truth is, it was probably a tough decision for your father to make one which he is probably still struggling with at the moment, even though, he might not show it.

Acknowledge the way you feel about the divorce

It is also important to acknowledge your feelings and explore why you are feeling the way you are. One of the most common feelings for young people in this situation is usually anger, anger towards your father for breaking up the family and/ or for leaving. Feelings of rejection are often not far from the picture. It is so easy to have these feelings towards God but once you explore further you will understand that these feelings might be feelings that you harbour towards your earthly father but because he is not there, you direct them towards your heavenly father. Offcourse God in all his grace and mercy is understanding and is patient to guide you through the healing process. This is where you need to be honest to yourself in relation to how you feel towards your father and how the divorce makes you feel and why.

Talk to one or both of your parents about how you feel

Explore the feelings that you have about the divorce with your parents and if there is no closure seek professional help from a counsellor. Find out why you feel how you feel, If possible, ask your father the questions as to why he left, ask if he still loves you and explain to him how you feel. The point of doing this is so you gain further understanding and you can better deal with all the emotions you feel. If you can’t talk to him, or if he did says he doesn’t love you which is rare, rest assured God is always there watching over you, loving you as the ultimate father. The first place you have to seek refuge is in the arms of the Lord.

If there is no one in your immediate family find someone you trust to talk to and share your feelings with. If you know a church walk in and ask to speak to some and they will drop everything to help you. If you have a good friend maybe try and talk to his/ her parents about what is going on in your life. If you are at school you can confide in the school counsellor who is equipped and employed to help young people in a situation like yours.

Nothing beats God’s love for you

Remember that God’s love for you is so strong and so powerful that nothing can stop him loving you, he will dispatch an army of angels to help you as it is written in (Psalm 91:11). You will always have a loyal Father in God. If you are in doubt then simply ask God to show you how much he loves you and he will (John 3:16).







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