Q: I hit my girlfriend because I was frustrated with her during a heated argument. I did not mean to do it, I hate myself for doing this. How can I make things right? Please help me on this

The fact that you are looking for answers is a good start it means you are willing and open to change, having said that domestic violence is never a good thing whether you mean to or not. The first step is apologising to your girl friend and seeking professional help from a counselor or psychologist. The sincerity of your apology has to be backed by action. At this point you are not the best person to be helping your girlfriend, while you may have said sorry you need to encourage and support her to see a counselor as well. You also need to make sure that your girlfriend has support around her and encourage her to join an anti- domestic violence organisation which will keep an eye out for her. If you are really sorry and don’t intend on doing it again, you should have nothing to worry about. The moment you try and sweep it under the rag then you are not really sorry nor do you understand the serious implications of what you did. Odds are it will happen again if you do not get professional help.

More often than not people come up with “legitimate reasons” called excuses for not seeking professional help but from the onset it’s important to note that; it was not just a mistake, you don’t have it under control, it’s not a once off thing and it didn’t just happen. There is a deeper more complex cause to domestic violence and psychological help and marriage/ relationship counseling is the way to get help. Weather your wife has forgiven you or not it is important that you take these steps.

Granted one of the toughest things to do is to come out and admit that you need help with domestic violence, given the stigma attached to domestic violence offenders. Our society has to learn to mix both punitive and rehabilitative ways of helping men and women who commit acts of domestic violence especially to the ones that cry out for help. Evolution of attitude towards domestic violence offenders will allow more and more men and women to come forward and seek help.

Remember, how serious and sincere you are is shown by your actions, if you are not willing to seek help then you are not serious at all. Yes it will mean that you will have to endure the judging eyes of people by admitting that you commit domestic violence. Be strong and do it to become a better person and to save your relationship or marriage. Professionals will help you by unlocking the deeper issues that led to you snapping and striking your girlfriend. Never leave any form of domestic violent behavior unchecked as it will grow to the point that it may cost you your family and possibly land you in prison. For more help contact the following professionals who will be willing to talk to you. If you don’t know where to start, start by calling the list of places below or if you are in a different country use google to locate the nearest help center.

Summary of Action plan

  • Apologise to girlfriend/ wife
  • Don’t make excuses
  • A Real apology involves you supporting your wife with getting professional help
  • A real desire to change involves seeking professional help for yourself
  • Call the numbers below

Important Contacts for Support in Australia:

Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78 https://www.mensline.org.au/

What men can do to stop domestic violence- http://whatmencando.net/

 Call life line 13 11 14https://www.lifeline.org.au/

 Mind Spot Clinic1800 61 44 34- https://mindspot.org.au/

Headspace1800 650 890- http://headspace.org.au/


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