Q: I am struggling to get over my ex, he has moved on and has a new girlfriend but I think I still love him. How do I make the feelings stop?

It is normal for anyone to struggle with moving on, especially after a long relationship. Everyone desires to be loved, God put something in all of us, a yearning for connection and companionship. Companionship is how we were meant to do life, never feel bad or ashamed when you miss someone who you were in a relationship with. However, your ex moving on should be a good indicator that whatever you shared is gone. If that does not give you a reason/ motivation to move on then you are looking at possibly addressing a few issues discussed below.

First thing to do is to come to terms with the fact, your ex is out of your life. Accept this fact and love this fact. This is where it all begins, failure to grasp this concept results in you holding on to the hope that you are going to get back together. Hence you start doing things like, calling him every other day, asking him to catch up, stalking his social media page before bed, reading old text messages and fantasising and looking at old pictures of you and him. This move keeps you emotionally invested in a relationship you are not even in, even more dangerous for you if you have not accepted the fact that your ex has now moved on. As long as you hold on to hope for something to happen in the future this makes moving on hard, not necessarily all the time but it could be a factor in this case.

 It could be you feel that you will never find someone like your ex again, the truth is you are right. Right in the sense that every individual is unique but wrong when it comes to finding someone who is compatible with you. There are billions of people out there who think you are amazing and who will make a better suit in comparison to your ex, not necessarily because they are better people but mostly because they are more compatible with you.

It could be what you miss is not the person but the feeling of just being in a relationship, you miss the companionship. What you miss is just someone texting you at night before you sleep and telling you that they miss you, someone to hold you tight when you are having a bad day, that person to call you in the morning just to tell you that you are the first thing they think about when they wake up. Hence, why you need a good support network to see you through a break up.

It could be you just miss the physical side of the relationship. In most cases it’s not that he is the best kisser or the best company you’ve ever had, but because he is the one you were doing all these things with you feel he is the best and you start missing him. To that end never isolate yourself after a break up that is the worst thing you can ever do to get over someone. Make sure you get out, do things and catch up with people, family and friends.

Things to do after a breakup:
1. Enjoy being single, be happy with being single before you invite someone into a relationship

2. Go out and live your life, do activities that you love doing with friends and family

3. Catch up with people who are important to you and make new friendships

4. Have a good network of friends to support you

What not to do after a break up:
1. Keeping in contact with your ex, some people can keep in contact with their ex without any issues. In this particular case, it is best to cut any communication as continuous communication keeps false hope alive.

2. Facebook stalking, while there is always a great desire to check his Facebook or Instagram, It is best that you stay clear until you are completely over him.

3. Reading old messages, it is also wise to stay clear from reading any old messages and reminiscing old times, this only helps to flare up old feelings especially if they are unresolved.

4. An unwise move is catching up with someone you are trying to get over because catching up is reestablishing emotional connection which will make it harder for you as you are trying to get over him but continuously connect with him emotionally over catch ups.

Important Contacts For Support In Australia:

Relationships Australia: 1300364277 Web:http://www.relationships.org.au/

Kids Help Line 1800 551800 Tollfree number Web: http://www.kidshelpline.com.au

 


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