Q- I am a 14 year old girl and I am not allowed to date while still in school, a guy in my grade asked me out, I like him but I don’t know what to do

It’s a very natural thing during the beginning of adolescence for guys and girls to like each other, however in saying that It sounds like you have four choices and each with its own consequences which you have to weigh very carefully.

Option 1 is to follow the rules put in place by your parents and tell the young person that you cannot date him. Telling him the truth is tough, but would immediately end all your potential problems. Simply tell the young man that you are not allowed to date anyone and while you are flattered by his offer you have to say no. You are 14 years old so he will get over it quickly enough. Doing it this way you don’t have to worry about your parents finding out about a secret relationship. You don’t have to worry about breaking your parents’ expectations there by disappointing your parents.

Option 2 is you don’t give the boy an immediate answer, instead, you tell your parents about what happened. You tell them the truth that a guy asked you out but you didn’t say anything because you wanted to talk to them and hear what they have to say. Your parents will say either one of two things ‘yes ‘ or ‘no’. Whatever answer you get is what you go with. If it’s a ‘no’ at least you tried and your parents might trust you more for coming to them with this issue. If they said ‘yes’ well it was worth the risk and now you can hang out with the cute guy in your grade without fear that your parents might find out.

Option 3 is perhaps what you think is the best option which is to secretly date him, after all who will find out and who will know. The advantages of this option are very limited. The first and only advantage being you get to go out with the guy you like without your parents being in your business. Among other factors you have to consider what will happen when your parents find out which they almost always do. Their trust in you will be destroyed, they will be disappointed. The fact is the more your parents trust you the more freedom they will give you as you get older, if you break their trust now you shoot yourself in the foot.

Option 4 is you tell the young boy that you cannot be his girlfriend but you can, however, be his friend. This option also requires you to tell your parents because at 14 dating a boy and being friends with a boy are almost the same thing. Hence let your parents know that a guy asked you out but you said no, explain to them that you agreed to be his friend nothing else and hear what they have to say.

People to talk to :

Parents, Teachers, School chaplain or counselor, Trusted older sibling

For more information and support go to:

Kids’ Helpline 1800 55 1800 or http://www.kidshelp.com.au

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