Q: I left high school last year at 16 years old, I am a young mum in an abusive relationship. My husband beats me and drags me around the house by my hair several time a month. I stay where I am for my Kids I do not want them to grow up without a father. Is this a wrong move?

You are very brave and strong to be still in an abusive relationship, it takes even more guts to reach out and look for help especially in an abusive relationship where emotional feelings, fear and violence can easily cloud your judgement. Firstly, because your children are the main reason you gave for staying in an abusive relationship, the answer will address the issue from that line of questioning.

In Saying that the sad truth is you are doing more damage to your children if you stay in an abusive relationship than you are good. To explain it at a very basic level exposure to domestic violence causes trauma in children. Studies show that Trauma negatively affects the way a child develops mentally and emotionally. If your children are seeing the abuse you are doing far more damage to them by staying in that environment. Trauma refers to the condition whereby an individual experiences a cluster of sever negative effects as a result of extremely stressful events. These negative effects may include relational and behavior problems and psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, dissociation and post-traumatic stress. Early life trauma affects future self-esteem, social awareness, ability to learn and physical health. By staying in an abusive relationship you expose your children to all the above negative things.

If it’s a big concern to you they can visit their father if it is determined by the court that it is safe for the children to do so, but again that safety is solely determined by him and his attitude towards becoming a better man/ father. I am sure your family and friends would not be happy knowing that your life is one of abuse and violence so don’t put up with it any longer.

If you love him and you want to give him more than just a second chance I suggest you can do marriage counseling. You believe you cannot do anything without him but you have more strength than he does for putting up with abuse as long as you have, so get up speak up and don’t let domestic violence be the legacy you pass down to your children. True, people change but you have to protect you and your children before they do.

It is important to stress that regardless of how lonely and isolated you feel, help is a phone call away. The numbers are toll free so you don’t even need to have credit, just pick up a phone and dial. There are people on the ready, willing to move mountains and ensure that no one suffers any type of abuse in the 21st Century. Do it for yourself, do it for your freedom. If you are worried about where you are going to stay where you will put your children what you will eat, don’t worry about that. The government and various government bodies have fully contained safe house where you and your young children can seek refuge without fear of anyone finding you. The location of the safe house or emergency shelter is a secret so safety will not be your concern.

Important Contacts For Support In Australia
Domestic Violence Hot Line: 1800 811 811 Web:http://www.dvconnect.org/sexual-assault-helpline/sexual-assault-helpline/
Sexual Assault Hot Line: 1800 010 120 Web: http://www.dvconnect.org/sexual-assault-helpline/sexual-assault-helpline/
Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277 Web: http://www.relationships.org.au/

 

Police Link: 131 444 Web https://www.police.qld.gov.au/programs/policelink/


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